Are you unintentionally sabotaging your relationship?
There are common mistakes you probably didn’t know you’re making in your relationship that can have a lasting negative impact.
The person we love most usually gets our best attitude but occasionally gets our worst.
If your relationship is going through a hard time it’s easy to place blame on the other person without taking ownership.
Once you recognize these common mistakes you can make your relationship stronger than ever.
1. You’re complaining to your girlfriends too often
Don’t get me wrong, a good venting session can be therapeutic. However, are you aware of how frequently it’s happening?
It’s so easy for us to get caught up in the moment. We have work, kids, housekeeping, grocery shopping, appointments and a social life we’re trying to maintain. Our to-do list is forever growing and the time to do it in is continually decreasing.
When we get with the girls our walls come down and we get to relax.
Even if you have an amazing husband, you live with him.
I always have something to say about laundry being left on the floor and usually a passive aggressive comment for when the toilet paper roll is empty.
It’s natural to release your frustrations around your closest girlfriends but think about what you’re saying.
Your spouse and your girls will always have your back, but will they always have each other’s?
You may be in the heat of the moment or rehashing your last argument but they’re only hearing your side.
That’s not bias at all, right?
I like to believe my side is usually the right one but the truth is, we all like to paint ourselves in a better light. Maybe we’ll just omit a few details.
You and your husband are going to make up.
You and your husband are going to have sex. They are not. You will move on, be happy and forgive your man but friends don’t get that kind of closure.
You may think everyone has moved on, but it doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten what you’ve said. It can start to cause a lingering bad impression.
Be aware of how you’re talking about your spouse.
2. YOU’RE NAME CALLING
The second it slipped out of your mouth you blatantly disrespected your partner. It’s belittling and said with venom.
You’ve now opened the flood gates and it’s likely to reoccur when fights get heated.
It’s easy to fall into a pattern when we’re upset. We want to dodge the heat and turn it back on the other. No one likes hearing their own faults. It’s uncomfortable to be wrong and it’s infuriating when you know the other person is NOT right.
In relationships where you’ve committed yourself for life, you’re bound to experience a lot of highs and lows.
You got into this to be on the same team but now you’re battling each other.
Emotions are temporary but words last forever.
You are two different people with thoughts and personalities that don’t always align. At the end of the day, you chose your partner and you want to make it to your 50th Anniversary.
Call a truce. It’s okay to argue but it’s time to stop fighting dirty. Change your tactic.
It’s almost impossible to stay angry with someone if you’re touching them. Try holding hands (even though in the moment it’s the last thing you want to do). I think you’ll be surprised how quickly your argument sizzles out.
Plus, once you can communicate how you feel respectfully (even when you’re angry AF) your spouse will actually listen to what you have to say.
3. YOU’RE USING SEX AS A WEAPON
Have you ever held out on having sex to punish or get something you want out of your partner?
Sex goes from being something fun, frisky and loving and morphs into a manipulation tactic on how to get your own way. Your partner is going to start losing interest because they recognize what you’re doing. You’re playing a game.
Consistently making your husband give in is slowly robbing him of his masculinity. Sex is made to be mutually enjoyable so you can both express your raw feelings.
Nothing bonds you like being intimate. You aren’t looking for another friend. This is your lover.
We hear endless socially acceptable jokes that end with “someone’s sleeping on the couch tonight” or “well, he’s not getting laid.” We don’t always realize what we’re doing but we’re playing emotional warfare and we’re out for blood.
There are so many more pros to a healthy sexual relationship (hello cemented trust, improved mood and mutual connection – just to name a few).
Don’t take the joy (and fun) out of sex. It only ends one way, in regret.
4. YOU’RE LETTING YOURSELF GO
We’ve all seen it. You have found your ride or die, you’re happy and comfortable. You’re eating out more frequently, you want to Netflix and Chill (with pizza, duh) and the gym membership you pay for you swear to use next month.
Cue a couple of years later, a few kids and your time is no longer all yours anymore.
You’re living a busy lifestyle and drive-thru options aren’t doing your love handles or energy levels any favors.
It’s great to eat out and enjoy yourself. Indulging is one of life’s most satisfying rewards (and guilty pleasures). However, when you quit exercising and allow your diet to consistently hit the back burner you’re going to start to feel less motivated and more self conscious.
You need to love who you are so you can properly take care of the people around you and consistently show up as the best version of yourself.
You need to feel those natural endorphins and live a healthy lifestyle. Keeping up with your active family feels good.
It’s amazing that we can help prevent disease, obesity, depression and anxiety by putting intentional effort into our bodies.
Ask yourself, if your partner could choose anyone, would they STILL choose you?
Are you showing up as the best version of yourself?
5. YOU’RE USING YOUR PHONE EXCESSIVELY
Relationships are already tricky, now throw in the new mistress – your cellphone.
They are addictive! How many nights have you laid next to your partner in bed while both of you are scrolling through your phones?
Whether you’re married or dating we have a lot more to navigate in comparison to other generations.
We have everything at the touch of a button and that isn’t limited just to information. It includes people, lives and events. We live in an era where receiving enough “likes” on a (filtered + edited) photo gives us a sense of pride and confidence.
Are we beginning to base our value off social media?
We are building our self esteem on what acquaintances think rather than what loved ones know. The filtered highlights we are smothered in daily impacts the way we think. It directly effects our relationships.
COMPARISON IS THE KILLER OF ALL JOY.
How much time are you spending looking into other people’s lives instead of fully investing in your own?
6. YOU’RE NOT ASKING YOUR PARTNER QUESTIONS
“How was your day?” or “what do you want for dinner?” DO NOT COUNT.
If you’ve been together for awhile you may think you know everything about your partner but that’s not true!
We are always changing and so are our ideas and goals.
When you first started dating, don’t you remember staying up all night talking? You would ask any big or little question you could think of.
I’m not saying stay up all night – but turn Netflix off this evening, pour a glass of wine and take turns asking each other some exciting and deep questions.
It’s pretty fun to hear what the other has to say.
Can’t think of any questions off the top of your head?
Enter your e-mail below and I’ll send you a FREE list of the 50 best questions to get you started.
Do you agree? Is there anything you would add to my list? I’d love to hear from you!
Tell me what you think by dropping me a comment below or e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Interested in more marriage related posts?
Click our Marriage Tips To Help You Survive Parenthood or Pin It for later!